tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84364008711924030722011-07-31T04:19:54.721-07:00Funny Jokes Directoryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155246818024180783noreply@blogger.comBlogger1511100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8436400871192403072.post-37166451628582450672010-02-18T00:48:00.000-08:002010-02-18T00:51:31.093-08:00

Mary the referee went to center ring and waved her arms to get everyone's attention."A request has been made by the audience to add some more excitement to the match. Rather than just a straight pin, some of the ladies and gentlemen would like to see a face sit pin for five seconds, shoulder blades flat, one girls crotch on the others' face for a full five seconds. Ladies, do you agree to such a

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Lyn Jenkins looked out her 21st floor corner office window. The crystal clear blue sky was near perfect, the warmth of the sun burning into her face. The sun's heat was almost as warm as her ass from the whipping she took last Friday at the hands of Sue Hopkins.Lyn earned the corner office through her combative, legal acumen. She won more cases than anyone else in the firm. She won the respect of

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Lyn rubbed her raw, red cheeks flinching as her hands moved across her burning flesh.The bench was being placed in the center of the mat while Lyn massaged her ass. Sue was rummaging around in the locker room where the two legal combatants prepared for their match.The crowd was enjoying Lyn's predicament of being the only naked person in the building.Sue came strutting out of the locker room in a

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The two opponents looked at each other from across the mat. Both combatants were preparing to do battle with a strip to the finish. Their distrust and hatred for one another transcends beyond the rubber mat lying on the floor between them.There was much at stake. The bickering and bantering, through e-mail, websites, and telephone calls had built up the match. Friends and co-workers found out

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Part I. New YorkNo, I had never actively sought a call girl before and it wasn't helping that she had to have rather special qualities. She had to be young, experienced, smart, and bisexual; a combination of features which excluded everyone I had stumbled across so far.The outlandish idea was to use her life as a springboard, for a story that rolled to and fro through my brain's storybook almost

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Well I guess that is one benefit of going away for a week; I have a big pile of mail waiting for me. I dumped the load on the dining room table and started sorting through it. Bill, bill, junk, junk, ... not for me, not for me, ... bill, not for me. Does the mailman use a white cane or a seeing eye dog?By the time I finished, the 'not for me' pile was almost as big as my pile. Mine mostly junk

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Without waiting for a response, Laya jumped the gun, giggling loudly. She had her hand on my neck, our foreheads and noses touched and I could feel Justin watching, his blue eyes blazing lustfully into my back.I pecked Laya softly on the chin, just enough to taste her but not hard enough to feel her, then turning my head I looked back to see whether he was enjoying the show. He was. So was Laya,

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She was perfectly beautiful, though I didn't admit it and remained pissed over the fact that, sitting just three feet away, she had made me wait. She had some nerve."It's nice to meet you," I lied, "but you've wasted valuable time and I..."Cutting me off again, with a wave of her hand, she interjected, "I know and I'm sorry, but I haven't started the clock yet, so don't worry.""Big of you," I

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A plate explodes against the wall a few inches away. Ceramic dust coughs out as it bursts. She's screaming again, mad about something I'm not sure what, and then she starts to hit me. I'm pushed to the wall and a knuckle catches above the left eye. A fist mashes against my breast. I fold over. Now I'm screaming, too. She doesn't stop. I'm trapped below a picture we took together at the mall. I am

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With their eyes still locked together Xanthe responded, “I think I’ll have it all taken off. I prefer the clean feeling of being hair free down there.” She put just enough inflection in her tone to make her reply sound like a pseudo-proposal.Rebecca’s hands shook gently as she stirred up the remaining wax and prepared to pour it across Xanthe’s mound. Both women watched intently as the gooey

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It had been a long month at work for Xanthe and she was looking forward to a couple days of rest and relaxation away from the office. As the weekend drew closer Xanthe had made an appointment at her favorite health spa for the total treatment to forget some of the stresses of her hectic life. There was nothing more relaxing than a facial, manicure, pedicure, waxing and massage, a guaranteed way

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A nervous Linda tried to smile but her eyes betrayed her uneasy state. “Ummm, yes I found the bathroom alright … I was just having a look at some of the artwork in your hallway …”“How rude of me, I should have taken you on the full tour when you arrived,” Xanthe interjected with a playful tone. She bounded to her feet and beckoned her neighbor to follow her back down the hall. “Follow me.”The two

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It was getting close to dinner time, the night dark and overcast, a constant drizzle falling all around Xanthe as she ducked out of the bus and into the open. Her business suit and four overloaded grocery bags were all that protected her from the rain as it dampened not only her body, but her mood.Work had been particularly hectic that day. She had to stay behind to pick up after two of her

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"It is very good, you will enjoy it." Kimiko gave her kimono a quick tug, her hand revealing two silver balls about an inch and a half in diameter. Xanthe stared intently at them, ben wa balls, she had heard of them from girlfriends before but had never experienced what pleasure they could bring. Kimiko let the balls roll in the palm of her hand and juggled them between her fingers, getting

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Xanthe leaned over the polished cherry wood counter that constituted the elaborate bar of the gentleman's club. She had flown into Japan that morning with a senior delegation from work and they had spent the entire day, almost from the moment they stepped off the plane, involved in hectic negotiations with their client's distributors.They had finally reached the end of their negotiations,

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Xanthe nuzzled against the swollen tits brushing them with her cheek and nose, her warm breath tantalizing to Sheila whose breathing had become deeper and more concentrated. Xanthe’s tongue gently flickered over the hard bud. Sheila stirred in an effort to encourage Xanthe into doing more.Xanthe’s hand slid down Sheila’s soft stomach and over her bunched up skirt finding the inside of her thighs.

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“Ahhh, that’s good,” was all Xanthe could manage before Carla’s lush lips met hers and the two shared a brief yet passionate kiss.“Why don’t I see what else I can find?”Xanthe watched as Carla turned away from her and gazed down at her crotch. She parted her legs gradually, inviting Carla to pay her special attention. Carla knelt down and kissed Xanthe’s smooth mound, then gave her another peck

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It had been a long tiring day at the office and Xanthe’s mind had wandered to her plans for the weekend. She was strolling through the city on her evening trip to the subway for her journey home when she saw it. She stopped in her tracks to take a second look which only confirmed her first impression.A bright neon sign with a flickering leg moving back and forth in a kicking motion had caught her

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It had been a long and tiring week at work and Xanthe was looking forward to the weekend, for more than one reason. A couple of weeks before whilst she was buried in paperwork a petite raven haired woman, Carla, had walked into her office and into her dreams. Carla was representing another firm and the two of them had been put together to thrash out a solution for their bigger richer

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The tall blonde obeyed Xanthe’s command lifting her body from the tub and balancing her firm rear above the water. Xanthe let her body effortlessly float into the center of the tub and between Jacqui’s sleek thighs. With nothing more than a gaze Jacqui parted her legs for a hungry Xanthe.“You look so delicious,” panted Xanthe. Her dripping hand burst from the water spraying water across Jacqui’s

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It had been another tiring day at the office for Xanthe. Endless paper trails crossed her desk and her ear was worn out from all the constant phone calls. She was looking forward to getting home having a drink and collapsing in her brand new Jacuzzi.She had left early that morning as a couple of big burly workmen carried their tool boxes and materials into her sixth floor city apartment. As she

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With minimal effort Nicole let her legs spread wide, draping them over the sides of the machine and leaving her pussy laid out for Xanthe’s attention. Xanthe nuzzled her nose and cheek against Nicole’s puffy labia prodding her tenderly and kissing the soft flesh of her thighs.With a sudden jerking motion Xanthe’s tongue broke Nicole’s slit and burrowed deep inside her. Nicole leaned back, a low

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It had been an early morning start for Xanthe. She had a big case headed for court and her boss was riding her to get a satisfactory conclusion to the whole legal quagmire. As a junior in the firm she always dreamed of the day she could take charge of a major client’s case and be the star at the office when things worked out favorably.Now Xanthe regretted that wish, she had been working overtime

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My cousin Jess was gripping onto an empty wineglass in her hand and lazily slurping out a few corny words to a drunken guy leaning against a wall."Ooohhh...I like your stubble...It's so sexy... Like sandpaper." She said to the guy, touching his face and giggling. I could see where this was leading."Party's over, its time to go home." I told her, "I'm calling a taxi."I hauled Jess out of the party

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My beautiful and shining and sexy lover proposed to me by leaving a comment on the story I wrote for Literotica. "Wow! Baby What Was That?" was my way of telling Catie how much I love her and the amazing sex we have. Now I'll tell everyone just how I went about accepting her proposal.The next night when I got home from work, Catie was waiting at our apartment. She was absolutely stunning. Her

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Having secured the house, Cathy stepped ahead and opened the door the door to the car. Sarah began to feel for the car when Deline yanked the leash and with her other hand brought the crop down on Sarah's backside. Sarah let out a yelp of surprise as she backed away from the car."Never do anything until I give you permission!" Deline's voice carried through the cul-de-sac as she chastised Sarah

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She looked over the list again and could only hope she had completed all of it and just when she was about to walk through it one last time the lock chimed, its voice echoing through the house. Oh no! Six o'clock! She'll be here any second! Sarah rand through the house and tried to tidy up where she could, but no sooner than she had started than the doorbell added it's voice to the

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Deline listened in complete bewilderment as Nina spun the tail that had brought them together."There was one thing I hadn't counted on, Deline." Nina raised an eyebrow as she waited for Deline's response."What was that?" Deline replied."I hadn't counted on falling in love with you" Nina said at last."Nor I with you," Deline replied as she leaned back and looked up to Nina's face. The pain of

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I've got to get more sleep. In the last few weeks Nina hadn't one night alone in bed. Not once. Every night Deline had been with her and every night they spent hours fucking each others brains out. Well mostly me fucking her brains out. Maybe tonight we'll take a break from it. Nah!Turning her chair she looked out over the front lawn of the manor and watched a gentle breeze flow through the trees

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Reaching up Deline moved her hands under Nina's legs to grab her hips. Pulling her face into Nina's pussy she ground her tongue against Nina's clit, then inserted it sharply into her pussy before returning to Nina's clit for more attention. Nina gasped at the suddenness of the intrusion, but only smiled as she could feel the beginning of the payoff to Deline's hard work. Slowly the orgasm worked

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"I asked you a question. Maybe you don't remember the conditions. No matter, the basic question still remains, will you submit to me?"It was all Deline could do to keep her thoughts from the searing pain enveloping her chest. Without speaking she shook her head slightly back and forth indicating no."Hmm... I see we don't agree. Well maybe this will clear things for you." Nina stepped forward and

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Deline squeezed some of the liquid into the palm of her hand and began to work it into the hair on her head and when she thought she had it worked in good she then did the same for her crotch. After a minute or so she felt a burning sensation in both locations and as she reached up to scratch her head Cathy stepped forward, grabbed the handcuff chain and swiftly put it up over the hook on the

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CRACK! Nina brought the whip down across Deline's backside to make her point. Deline screamed against the gag as the pain ripped through her body."You are subordinate to everyone here from me all the way down to my dog. You will address everyone but me as 'Sir' or 'Madam'. You will address me as 'Mistress'. Any other salutation will be punished."CRACK!"You will have no possessions whatsoever

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"Do you want to know what's in that box?" Deline shook her head no as Nina continued, "You seemed interested before we came in here? You're sure you don't want to know?"Deline once again shook her head no then began to mumble a prayer to herself."Pray all you want, but God can't hear you in here let alone help you. Such a pious woman, let me guess... evangelical? Yeah, I thought so. Me I was a

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Councilman Jones called for the floor, the Council Chairman granted permission and Councilman Jones spoke, "Ladies and gentlemen of the county council I would like to put forth and propose an amendment to the county charter. County amendment number 157 the 'Defense of Marriage' amendment. Said amendment would define the act of marriage as a contract or union between members of the opposite sex,

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PrologueDeline took the bottle of old Grand Dad 101 and gently putting it her lips she eased the bottle back and took a drink. The fluid burned as it flowed down her throat causing her to lean forward and nearly dropped the bottle as she coughed from reflex."Newbie!" Mary Winston and Shelly Hargrove two of her 'best friends' had come over for a sleep over and Mary had snuck a bottle of her

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Paris was our garden of ecstasies.One evening we find a girl-bar in Rue Mouffetard, a lesbian cellar, dank, dark, noisy, crowded with university students. older butches in full drag, baby dykes with rings in their nostrils, a drummer and two guitarists on a small stage, women of course, the musicians wearing tight striped tank-tops that barely cover their shaking breasts.Your eyes are wide as you

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We walk down the road my arm around your waist. I love the way you feel. You lean in your breast against my side. A thrill shivers through my body. Pulling you in close I stop. Your eyes are so beautiful and happy when I lean in my lips brush butterfly soft against yours. I want more but I restrain myself.When we start walking again I run my fingers along your side. From the way your hips move I

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We walk down the road my arm around your waist. I love the way you feel. You lean in your breast against my side. A thrill shivers through my body. Pulling you in close I stop. Your eyes are so beautiful and happy when I lean in my lips brush butterfly soft against yours. I want more but I restrain myself.When we start walking again I run my fingers along your side. From the way your hips move I

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As I sucked on the clit of a redheaded woman who I'd met only an hour before, I thought of Marcel and smiled. He would have loved to see me with another woman. Too fucking bad he blew it. His loss, I shrugged as I licked her pussy like a bowl of milk.Trouble had been brewing for a couple of months. The night Marcel left me to go back to his ex-wife I was on my way to polishing off half a bottle

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I looked at the time, I was getting excited because I knew I was almost off work and soon would be coming home to you. I had called you letting you know I'd be home in a few hours, so you had plenty of time to bathe and do your thing. You sounded so good and yummy it was very difficult to concentrate on work. I hate it when two hours seems like ten, but that only happens when there's somewhere

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Drums, rhythm, beat. I move with the crowd, dancing, pulsating. I can feel this other heartbeat pound through my entire body, one not born but made of this music, of volume and of feeling. There is a dull ache in my chest as I close my eyes and, for a second, feel again."I am here, damn it!" I scream in my head, "and I am so, so alive!" There are so many people, so close, as the lines of intimacy

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"Get in here and lock the door."The suggestion was crude and the prospect sordid but I felt a treacherous tingling between my own legs which seemed to move of their own volition. I joined her within the narrow confines and, with my back to the door, I set the lock."There's a good girl."The lid of the toilet was down and she shifted forward lifting her skirt at the same time. Her sex looked ripe,

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"Oh fuck! Yes! "I pushed my tongue deep inside and she shifted forward slightly on her seat to meet me."She really knows what to do."I curled my tongue upwards and massaged the area just behind her clitoris and her body was immediately put into an excited tension. With a perverse sense of pride I continued to lick very gently and held her there feeling her continue to tighten like a drawn

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"It turns out she's a lesbian."I do not know why I said it. To all intents and purposes Izabel was a heterosexual who used lesbianism simply as a means of humiliation. I suppose the truth was that I wanted to talk about it, albeit in a peripheral way, to exorcise my demons."You don't have a problem with that surely?""No, of course not, live and let live.""Did Mateus not approve?""No...I mean..

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I knew immediately that, in order to comply, I was going to use all the strength of my tongue. There could be no fooling myself that what was happening was in any way accidental.As if to encourage that effort I felt a finger teasing my clitoris and I groaned as pulses of arousal travelled to my extremities. Without thinking I sealed my mouth more tightly to her and with a single lunge I broke

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Back at the house I felt so much better and, after a long shower, I put together a simple salad and opened a bottle of wine. By the time I had drunk half a bottle it was still early evening but I went upstairs and lay on the bed armed with a copy of the latest Booker prize winner.I had hardly started on it before my eyes began to close and I gave in to a deep sleep. When I awoke it was to find

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He seemed put out that I was leaving with such unseemly haste and he asked me if I would wait a day or two to see if he could juggle some free time. I laughed it off and said that it would be just "girl talk" and by lunchtime I was already through Lisbon and well on my way.Claire was as lively and free-spirited as I remembered her and we spent five days visiting galleries and museums and

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With one last backward look at the mirror I made my way downstairs and out to the pool. I was so caught up in thoughts of my own self image that I had passed by the shaded sun lounger before I even realized that it was occupied."You look nice."I froze for a fraction of a second and then turned to see Izabel sitting up in the lounger nursing a glass of orange juice. She was wearing the same robe

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Chapter 1It was on my thirty-second birthday that he went down on one knee to me.The pros?He was handsome, wealthy, a considerate lover and shared my passion for the arts.The cons?He was seventeen years older than me, and still trailing the baggage of his first marriage in the shape of his nineteen year old step-daughter, but the biggest obstacle of all was his insistence that we live together in

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After another stimulating conversation Amy and I decided to go shopping for some erotic toys. Even though my collection was getting pretty big I was in the market for a double headed dildo. After all, you can never have enough toys! Unfortunately, Amy had never explored the fun filled world of erotic toys. She had no idea what she was missing!!!I took her to a store in Center City that Sean took

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"Is it hard?" She finally asked."It's no picnic. You're gonna lose some of your high-brow, jet setting friends. If it gets out, your business may suffer too. Do you just think or do you know? I mean have you..." Del asked, coloring furiously."Yes, I've had sex with other women. In fact, since I broke it off with Giuseppe, I have been pretty girl crazy and none to discreet I'm afraid," Carmen

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Del stared across the coffee table and fought to keep her anger in check. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying desperately not to let the anger come boiling out. Francis squirmed on the sofa, her large, expressive blue eyes showing her confusion and fear."You did what?" Del asked, hearing the anger in her voice and berating herself for letting it show through."I asked your mother

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"We're holding hands in public now."She smiled and hugged me for a long time. People were staring at us, but I had just lost all ability to care. She was back in my arms and it was all I cared about at that moment. I held her and kissed the top of her head. I told her how much I loved her over and over and she started crying."Baby what's wrong?" I asked."Nothing." She smiled, "Everything is

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It was the middle of the semester and since I didn't have very much work due, I decided to take a night off and go to a show that included a few of the singing groups on campus. I was meeting my friend Jessica there, but she always ran late, so I had to wait in the lounge for a while for her. I was pretty bored sitting by myself, and just watched people walking in and out of the lounge and into

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You take both our hands, requiring that we release our skirts and covering our matching tails. You lead us out of the suite and to the hotel elevators. Walking oddly at first until my rectum adjusts to the large plug inserted deep in it.Sarah seems more at ease than I which I attribute to her arriving before me. My jealousy flares up for a moment and I glance at you. You seem to have expected

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Del hadn't expected her mother to use such an aggressive dildo and she wasn't sure there was enough room in Fran's body for more, but she planned on finding out.Fran was moaning constantly and grunting. She didn't even seem to notice when Del pried her ass cheeks apart. The little blonde gasped and wiggled back on her finger when Del pressed it against her rose bud, slowly working some of the

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Del pulled into the parking lot and parked her car in its space. She glanced at her watch, it was only three fifteen, that would put her home by four and that would be too early. She took her time getting her papers together and then went into the garage and into the office she shared with four other foremen. Her boss, Trevor Phillips was sitting at her desk."Well?" He demanded."Well what? And

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“I hate doing laundry!” Emma snapped, storming into her flat and slamming the front door behind her.“Emma!” Rachel groaned, lifting her head from the sofa, “You woke me up…”“Don’t expect me to have any sympathy for you.”“Be nice to me. I’m not feeling well.”“It’s self-inflicted. You shouldn’t have drunk so much last night,” she said sanctimoniously, putting the laundry basket on the wooden coffee

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Blackness envelopes me as you finish fastening the blindfold. Smiling as your voice floats behind me, your fingertips trailing along my shoulder and arms. Our fingers wrap together as you lead me down the hall and into the bedroom.My thighs make first contact with the mattress and I stop, waiting for your instruction. Fingers parting, your lips breeze through my hair to my ear. "Get on the bed.""

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For the university janitorial staff, the end of the spring semester was the payoff for months of dwelling as phantoms among the rich students whose trash they collected, whose dirt they scrubbed off dormitory floors, whose ivy they trimmed. Once the students had filled their cars and storage units to bursting, items they didn't care to drag home were tossed in the trash or left abandoned in the

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I know you're sleeping, pretty girl. You look so peaceful and lovely tangled in the sheets with your hair spilling untidily about you, but I want your attention now so I put the music on too loud for 5am. The bass makes the bed tremble and shake, violating your slumber all the way from the outer room.And then, when you come out pissed off, I smile at you and turn it up a little louder. Your eyes

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The surf fruitlessly washes at the warm grainy sand as each step lifts up. My feet digging into the semi-solid mat that oozes around and between my toes. I do love walking barefoot, especially with the water and sand adding another sensuous element. But my real joy is being on your arm.No words between us as we wander the crescent of the beach. None are needed or welcome. Our pace is leisurely,

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I really wasn't expecting her home so soon. She had a night class and it was at least an hour before it was supposed to let out. I was in the bedroom folding laundry when I heard the door slam."Honey? Is that you?" I called.No answer.I turned around just it time to see her hurry into the bedroom."What's wrong?" I asked.She grinned faintly and grabbed me by the waist, pushing me forcefully onto

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"Tell me about Will," she said. "Your boyfriend.""He's good-looking, he's got short brown hair, he's good at rugby and football, he's clever....""No, I mean your love life....you are sleeping together, are you?""Well, I suppose...""You either are or you aren't..."I felt guilty about what I was going to say. "He's okay. We've been sleeping together for about a year. It's just....he doesn't...he's

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Zeena knelt in front of Paula, who continued to stand shakily in the middle of the room. She wondered for a brief instant what would happen if another customer came in now. If it was a man. She wasn't sure she would say no to anything or anyone at this point.At Zeena's command, Paula spread her legs. The thighs came apart with a soft, wet sound. "In my experience, the best way to do this is for

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Paula stepped quietly and nervously into the small lingerie shop. While she did not consider herself a particularly inhibited individual, Paula had never before gone out of her way to purchase a sexually provocative piece of clothing. She'd woken up that morning, however, with a tingling decision to buy a special birthday present for her husband, Jack. Something to take the edge off of hitting

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The rumours were going around the school long before I knew that they were true. James was in the same maths class as me so I collared him one afternoon as we were heading out of the lesson along the corridor."So, is it true then," I said, keeping my voice quiet. I hoped he noticed that I was wearing a low-cut top to show off my cleavage (I think it's fair to say I have the biggest tits in the

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Anita felt so alive and sensitive, each time Sabine slid up her body she felt her resistance melt away until her thighs opened wider of their own accord. One leg drawn up, she found herself stroking the leg that moved between her thighs, her shapely tanned foot caressing the contours of the soft skin that rippled under her touch. Eyes still closed she felt Sabine's cheek brushed against hers and

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My affair with Kate continued off and on after our wet and delicious first time. She had other lovers – girls more her own age – but she always came back to me, sometimes just to chat, sometimes for intimacy. I had other lovers, too – women mostly, though the occasional man as well – but I always saved room for her, the first woman I had tasted.So it was no surprise when she rang my bell at nine

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It was the sense of power that was intoxicating, Jan thought, as much physical pleasure that having a love slave provided. Sally -- composed, well-mannered, sexy Sally -- would indeed do virtually anything that Jan commanded.After work quickies were delightful -- laying on her desk still clothed while Sally, her hands bound behind her back, pleasured her to sweet orgasm with only her lips and

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There's this thing about teenage love. It's almost unreal. Each moment of it seems to hurt as much as it feels good. I never thought I'd find actual love. The kind of thing where you ache for it when its not there, and ache even more when it is. 'Alice, someday you're going to meet a nice boy and you'll know when you're in love,' mom told me. 'It will take all of your thoughts and steal all of

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Anita was bored. Her husband was always working and there were only so many days that she could sunbathe without being getting restless. Now her brown skin was glowing after days in the sun and the beaches of the south of France were beginning to pall. She began to sunbathe nude on the balcony where she could stroke herself, amuse herself, thinking of her adventure with the two Frenchmen that

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Young Kate slowly broke away from our kiss and lay back on my bed moaning softly just as I was, her face flushed with wine and sexual satisfaction, both of us coming down, each of us bringing ourselves off after an unexpected fashion show turned striptease. Now she lay with eyes closed, her fingers laced behind her head, her full breasts drawn upward, nipples erect, come juice from my orgasm

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"Huh?" Sonia lowered one eye making a face of confusion. "And how do you plan to do that?"Giving her right cheek a few tender kisses, I whispered in her ear, "I want to make love to you. I want to please you. You don't have to do anything but lay down and enjoy."Sonia's eyes widened. "Make love? That's the last thing on my mind.""Why don't you let it be the first thing on your mind for now?" I

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Papers flew everywhere as Sonia Marie entered the classroom tripping over her shoelace and sprawling to the floor. Belly laughs erupted from my students. I walked over to Sonia and helped her pick up her papers."You guys get to work or I'll put you all in detention!" I demanded my students then asked Sonia, "Are you ok, dear?"She nodded nervously then went to her seat.I watched Sonia as she did

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Ron came in around four in the morning, which was late even for him. I was napping in my chair in the den with the lights off, so he didn't realize I was waiting for him, as he picked up the phone and dialed. As he said, "I'm home and everything is alright." I reached up and clicked on the lamp next to my chair. "Oh, shit." He said under his breath and quickly hung up.He stood there staring at me

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I miss your body so.Even though I've never had you, I still miss your body. Even though you've never been next to me, beside me in bed, I've fantasized about it so often that it seems like you should be. I think about you all the time – the way you'd feel, the way you'd smell, how I'd touch and taste you if you were here. How much I want to please you. How much I need to please you, my darling.I

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Your lips were like silk, as they pressed against me, your hands searching for my buttons. I could feel your heart beat through the cotton of your shirt.Your tongue finding mine, and playing with it, searching and sucking, your whimpers soft, muffled, as your kiss deepened. I leaned into you, smelling your scent, taking you into my lungs, my being, my nipples hard.I watch you as you smile, and

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He read your diary. Surprise, surprise. Now what are you going to do? There she is, the woman you've dreamed of having, but never thought you would. He found her. You met her one night, a year ago. The company party had been full of wine, women, and song, but your husband had been a stick in the mud and you'd left the party early. You left her. She was there now though, spread out on the bed,

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I will never forget the day my eyes met hers. She was busy working and I was at a steady pace trying to get my new business off to a good start. We had only been open for 3 weeks when she was hired on, and it completely surprised me how quick she picked up on everything. As I watched her, my eyes were drawn to her hands. I watched as they steadily made the orders coming in. Her hands like magic

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My name is Amy. I've known I was Bi-sexual for awhile, but I had never found another girl very interested in me. This is the tail of my first girl-on-girl encounter. Now, my friend Azure SWEARS this is true, but I only remember bits and pieces.I was at a party, and it was kind of lame. A lot of sitting around and listening to rap music. Azure's dad stopped by to make sure we were okay."Where did

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I really don't know where to start, so I guess I will start at the beginning. Okay, here goes ....My name is Zara and it's a Dutch name. Well, the first name is. My father was a Canadian construction worker working in Holland when he met my mother, and fell for her, hard. My parents came to this country from Holland 15 years ago, when I was barely 8 years old. Mama and Papa didn't have a lot of

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Zekia and Trina were best friends. They have been friends ever since freshman year. Now they were college juniors just enjoying life. Now Zekia was sexy she was 38D,24,34. She had Caramel skin, light brown eyes and light green when she had her contacts. Trina was almost the same. She was 36C,25,36. Everyone loved her phat ass even some girls, but Trina never thought of how a women might feel. So

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"Oh, Fucking God, you know what I like baby, eat my cunt!" Racquel yelped, her voice practically a growl. I knew I was getting slightly wet at her lewdness, I was beginning to see what Dani found sexy about her. She was a sexual animal, I was experiencing that first-hand.Dani lifted her face from between her lover's thighs and winked over at me. "She has the sweetest, tightest pussy – wait until

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I was so infused with nervous energy, I felt like I was buzzing, like Fedora ought to have been able hear it. She was just watching me, letting me caress her naked breast, letting my thumb strum her nipple. I didn't dare meet her eyes."That feels nice," she said sweetly.I bowed my head still further, but I couldn't remove my hand from her freaking boob. It was so soft and smooth in texture, and

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After our communal laugh, with its mixture of relief, embarrassment, and flirtation (well that last one was less in the laugh itself and more in the confused and bashful exchange of eyes between Fed and me as the laugh subsided), I didn't know what to do or say; so I turned my head against my window with my elbow up on the door and my fingers in my bangs, and tried to spy the roadway ahead. It

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You are lying face down, completely nude, on your queen bed, eyes closed, and you hear your door slowly open. You know it's me, but you don't know just what to expect.I softly whisper, "just lie there; don't open your eyes."You whisper back, "OK."Next, you hear the sound of my clothes being removed and dropped to the floor. Then, you feel my weight on the bed and hear the squelch of your massage

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"Do you like sushi?" Fed asked softly while Kell got us going."Yeah, I think. I never had it, actually.""Oh, well, you're going to love it. You like seafood, right?""I love seafood. Mmmm, mussels. Shrimp...""Well, you'll like sushi, I'm sure. Just don't take too much wasabe." Kell, in the front, seemed to be ignoring our conversation, which was perhaps too quiet for her to hear properly given how

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A minute later, I was slipping back into the apartment, as quietly as I could. I heard rock music coming from the back hallway, and I gained new hope that Kell hadn't heard my performance downstairs. I went and retrieved my application from where I had left it on the table - being sure to force a nonchalant demeanour as I came into view of the window, striding confidently, head up, shoulders back

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I was scrunching my brow angrily."Oooh, you're so cute. And no protest, even? Wonderful! A gorgeous, submissive, lesbo virgin. I am right, aren't I? You haven't been with a woman yet? Honey, you're a whole bunch of dreams come true at once.""Maybe I should just..." I trailed off.Suddenly, Kell peeled her T-shirt up over her head and threw it off somewhere into the room. There they were once more.

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"That's my girl," hummed Kell. She shook her shoulders in muted imitation of what I'd done for her before. Still, her breasts were looser than mine, and they swayed rather a lot inside her shirt. She was giving me a sly face, a smirk. It was like a dare and an insult wrapped up together. Like she was daring me NOT to do it. Like we both understood I was some kind of slut who was just dying to do

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I'm not conceited, I swear, and it's not like I'm hung up on this at all, but the truth is that I am, undeniably, a babe. Dropping all modesty for the moment, an extreme babe. I would never say that, but it's important that you get the right picture of me so this story makes a bit more sense. If you could see me, I wouldn't have to say it; it's obvious even to me, and has been for a long time.

Funny Jokes Directoryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155246818024180783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8436400871192403072.post-34875931301862754922009-12-08T22:23:00.002-08:002009-12-08T22:40:44.455-08:00

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and thought to myself "how did my life come to this?" I am successful business owner, a mother of two great children, and my husband is a good man even when he is not being a total asshole. So why am I thinking of crossing the line with someone else? Why is it after all this time I am doubting my sexuality? I am 43 years old and never thought that I would

Funny Jokes Directoryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08155246818024180783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8436400871192403072.post-72407926137439290532009-12-08T22:23:00.001-08:002009-12-08T22:23:49.620-08:00

She had been in a daze for a week.A wife, a mother and a teacher she was the living example of the American Suburban Dream.She was "terminally cute" as they say. Her sex life was good although her husband traveled way too often so she was often sexually frustrated. He made a good living.So there she was, naked with the phone in her hand. Her equally naked best friend Sonia was standing behind her

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Zoë is one of my best girlfriends. I first met her when I was twenty, at a house party. Back then, her hair was pink and spiky, and I remember she was wearing these large dangly geometric earrings. The thing is, the 80's had been long over- but I really dug her retro look.She wasn't the first girl I experimented with, but she was the first girl that I really had anything special going with. That

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My name is Zoe and my fantasies are many. One of which is to meet my co-worker, Denise, for a wonderful time in Toronto at Skydome hotel. I'm a petit, w/f and Denise is larger and full figured. I am new, a virgin of sorts, and she takes control. After an afternoon of sight seeing in Toronto, building our tension and desires while strolling the museum of art and walking about through the garden of

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"Take that off," Zoe said, pointing at the pantyhose Jill had tried on, "hold your arms up." Zoe began to pull the pantyhose up. The waistline caught on Jill's left breast. Zoe quickly pulled it over and began pulling up. Despite Jill's protest, Zoe pulled it over her head and then pulled Jill's arms out. "Now, go stand next to your sister and greet her as she comes back to the world of the

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Tori struggled against the restraints. She had just woken up, last remembering walking into her bedroom at the apartment she shared with her sister Jill and their friend Zoe. She couldn't see anything at the moment, but could tell that she wasn't alone. She could hear somebody breathing in the room with her. As she gained awareness of her surroundings, she realized that her legs were spread eagle

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The nylon made the kiss even more sensual, with the silky smooth feeling stretching across her lips. The wetness it was absorbing from their tongues made it grip her mouth even tighter. Never again would she insist on removing all her clothing before sex. After seeing her captor completely encased in the material, she now wondered what that felt like. It had to be wonderful. As she finished

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